Esk

Telling BiCon stories is a bit like telling skiing stories, I reckon. In the case of skiing, there is an unwritten rule that you must relate only tales of horrific danger and fantastic injury, nevermind the fact that most of the time you spend skiing you’re not injuring yourself or doing crazy stunts. BiCon’s rule is debauchery — all the stories that make it out are ones that involve sex, nakedness, or at very least double-entendre. The truth is, like with skiing, it’s because they are the ones people want to hear about. No-one wants to know that you did some knitting or had a beer, just like no-one wants to know you skied uneventfully down a green run and had a hot chocolate.

The problem with this is that people get the impression that skiing gets you injured, and BiCon gets you laid, neither of which is entirely true. Nevertheless, here’s my list of memorable moments from BiCon 2008, in not really chronological order.

• Arriving to find so many people I recognise it was hard to greet them all before the bar closed.
• Playing Apples to Apples with a few friends on the first night as a great escape from the tiring socialising.
• Braving the naked lunch on the first day with some trepidation.
• Arguing with Dan in the ‘conflict resolution in poly families’ workshop, in a deliberately ironic sort of way.
• Being so knackered by workshop 3 on the first day that I took a nap instead.
• Experiencing my bisexuality through building a lego and plasticine model.
• Coming fourth most impure (out of about 8 people) in a purity test party that took about 4 hours. “Does it count if…” was asked probably more times than there were questions.
• Having overcome previously mentioned trepidation, playing naked twister in the naked chillout zone.
• Sitting in a paddling pool full of people (but not water) at 4am drinking terrible Zinfandel Rose wine and throwing cushions at people making bad puns. (mostly Dan — eventually Dan got hit even when it wasn’t him who made a pun just because it was expected to have been him)
• 300 tiny toy lions, one of which I have named Brian the BiCon Lion.
• Using tantra techniques to have a conversation with my masculine and feminine sides. No, I didn’t really know what the workshop was before I went in. However, it was relaxing, fun and an interesting bit of self-reflection.
• Eating ice cream naked, which I’m pretty sure I’ve never done before, at the last naked lunch of the conference.
• All the hugs. So many hugs. I like hugs.
• Failing to leave for about half an hour because of all the people I wanted to give my farewells.

And no, not so much as a snog from a pretty girl or boy — it’s just like all those times I went skiing without getting a concussion.

My absolute favourite thing about BiCon has always been the totally accepting atmosphere. This year I really felt I contributed to that acceptance, rather than simply basking in it myself. It is thanks to the efforts of everyone present that I felt so at home, safe, and able to be myself despite being surrounded by strangers with often very different interests and ideologies from my own. The atmosphere somehow engenders the temporary suspension of prejudice and assumption and even common sense, allowing all questions and answers to be valid. It’s a situation I couldn’t survive for more than about a week before I would have to punch someone for being so damn NICE, but it’s lovely escapism.

I met a lot of very interesting people, discovered some worldly truths and learned a few new things about myself in the process. Back to the real world for now, but I’ll soon be impatiently looking forward to BiCon 2009.

To the tune of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by “Deep Blue Something”. I’ve been meaning to record this at some point but since I haven’t gotten around to it for about 6 months I figure I’ll just post the lyrics on here and you can all imagine how it goes.
Oh, and if I have any rights, I reserve them, whatever they are.

Mario Galaxy

You say, the Wii is lacking power
It sounds like a golden shower
Yet it’s designed for kids

You say, the wiimote is a gimmick
The actions you must mimic
Will give you RSI

Chorus:
And I say “What about
Mario Galaxy?”
You said “I think I
remember the game and
As I recall I think
It was spectacular
And I said “well that’s,
the one thing it’s got”

You say, an Xbox 360
Has Halo, which is pretty
And you can play online

You say, a Playstation 3
is as powerful as can be
The future is Blu-ray
CHORUS

You say Wii Play was gay
Wii Sports was okay
And Warioware was nuts

You say Red steel wasn’t ready
You’d won Zelda already
The Gamecube is enough

CHORUS

Not as exciting as the title may have led you to believe, but I’m having a tooth out.

Many of you have become aware that I have a tooth in virtually the middle of my lower jaw which has been affectionately named “Devil Tooth”. Clearly visible in the above pic, I’ve had it since I was about 14, but the dentists and orthodontists of the time kept refusing to do anything about it. Not only would they not remove it (because it’s an adult tooth) but they would not remove the milk teeth (I still have 3) that are in the place it should be, citing “we have to wait until the rest of your teeth grow through” as a reason for doing nothing. Well, come my 16th birthday, (still no more teeth, mind) they decided that yes, now they could do something about it, but since this was a cosmetic issue and I was suddenly over 16, I’d have to go on a 2 year waiting list, and pay for the privilege. I was so annoyed at being messed around I decided I’d just not bother having anything done.

Since that time, I’ve never really trusted dentists, and indeed didn’t have one for the 7 years I was an undergraduate student. However, the looks of shock and fear from those to whom I have revealed the tooth, not to mention it causing me a few annoying problems, led me to finally bite the bullet and decide to have it removed. This has taken so long mostly because NHS dentists are hard to come by in this area and they don’t take kindly to students who say “but I do live here, I just happen to also be a student…”.

Walking down the hill I spotted that Denticare on North Parade were taking new NHS patients. Booked an appointment, got seen, got told that the price of this checkup and the extraction all told would be £39, and that it could be done as soon as next week. That was so easy I should have done it years ago, it’s a lot cheaper than I thought it was going to be, and I don’t have to go into hospital or have a general anaesthetic.

Now I’m just petrified about the actual procedure. Prepare the soft non-threatening foodstuffs and the saltwater for the 2nd of September. Eeep! Anyone else had an adult tooth extracted without general anaesthetic?

This is not chronological. Let’s just say they range from about the age of 3 to now, in no particular order. All are things I have at some point believed, however briefly, but no longer do.

1. Everything happens for the best.
2. I cannot die or be severely injured.
3. The most efficient solution is always the best.
4. Everything has a reversible effect.
5. Everything can be most usefully explained by science rather than emotional or personal reactions.
6. I am perfect as I am and will always be the same me
7. Eventually I will have a job where I will be doing something I always enjoy that is exactly easy enough at all times, and it will pay me lots of money, in a location that is desirable and close to home.
8. Learning will always come so easily for me that it will never require work, let alone hard work.
9. I am the cleverest person I know
10. I can get along with anyone
11. I will never be jealous of metamours.
12. Any kind of sex is good sex.
13. Love is enough to keep any relationship together.
14. I never want children.
15. It will always be easy for me to stick to my principles and I will always do so.
16. Men make more sense than women.
17. Eventually, people will be satisfied with what I have achieved and stop expecting things of me.
18. I will be normal height one day
19. I will never have to think about what I eat or jhow much I exercise.
20. People below a certain “level of intelligence” are not worth conversing with and will never amount to anything.
21. I should always speak my mind freely, whatever the consequences.
22. I am capable of complete objectivity.
23. Doors will not close for me as I get older.
24. I will always be judged on my merits, without prejudice or assumption.
25. I have no prejudices and I do not make assumptions.
26. Things that I hold important should be held important by everyone.
27. No-one will ever want me sexually because I am too much of a nerd.
28. Everyone who fancies women wants to sleep with me.
29. If societal norms were removed, everyone is bisexual enough to sleep with people of any gender.
30. The world will never deteriorate to the point where western-style living is impossible.
31. I am a lesbian.
32. Drinking is always a good idea.
33. The wind will change and I’ll stay like that.

For those who have just joined us, that was a list of things I don’t believe. But I did, once. Just making sure you are paying attention.

I highly recommend this as an exercise whether or not you choose to share your list. It was very therapeutic just to sit and think of all the ways in which I have changed as a person over the years, and to realise that it is an ongoing process that has long distant and recent elements and will continue to happen throughout my life. It pleases me to know that I have not yet stagnated, or set, in my ideas and ideals.